Friday, April 19, 2013

Chicken Kiev (aka, fireworks on date night!)

Bad news. This recipe is entirely too much work. Still, I encourage you to try it at least once- because it is damn delicious. Alternatively, if you needed to bust out a meal to impress a date, or as a special dinner for you and your SO- this would be it. :) Let's get this fancypants show on the road.

4 boneless skinless chicken breasts (thin sliced is good, less pounding
1/2 stick butter
poultry seasoning
garlic powder
white pepper (black is okay too, but white is a little more delicate alongside the poultry.)
fresh parsley
3 eggs (to be on the safe side.)
1 c. all-purpose flour
1-1 1/2 c. plain breadcrumbs
few T. olive oil for browning

meat mallet (or whatever else you may have to smack the chicken.)
plastic wrap


On to the hard work now. Rinse and dry the chicken.  Place each piece of meat between two sheets of plastic wrap and hammer until flattened (without making holes). Try to hammer it into a rectangular shape if you can.

Fail. Oh well. Kinda rectangular...

Peel back the top sheet of wrap and season yo breast. Sprinkle on poultry seasoning, garlic, salt, pepper and parsley- as much or as little as you like. Cut the 1/2 stick butter into fourths- matchstick style- and place one matchstick right in middle of the chicken.

Easiest part of this recipe.

NOW. Tuck the short sides of the rectangle (the top and bottom in above pic) up against the butter and then roll from left to right until the butter is encased in almost a purse-like manner. Use your toothpicks to secure the meat around the butta and seasonings like soooo:

Jelly roll style.

As soon as they're all rolled up, chill in fridge for about 10-15 minutes (this ensures that the butter doesn't melt out too soon). Meanwhile get your dipping station ready (flour egg and crumbs) and heat a couple T. olive oil in a skillet over medium.Get your meaty rolls out and flour, egg, crumb (in that order) to coat:

The messiest.

Pop into the skillet and brown all four sides (DON'T cook all the way through!)

Luckily they thick enough to stand on all four sides.

Once browned, place those guys into a baking dish and bake at 365. After 15 minutes pull the pan out, tilt at an angle, and spoon the juicy good stuff that's collected back up over top of the rolls:

Omfg delicious butta runoff...

Bake for another 15 (basting again at the 7 minute mark if you like) and bam. All your hard work looks like this:

Lord have mercy...

Plate and spoon the pan juices over the chicken.

Tip: Cut chicken up to detect all hidden toothpicks :)

BOOM. You're gettin some date night lovin, guaranteed.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Side Quests: Crazy Good Cheddar Garlic Biscuits

You've been to Red Lobster right? And sampled their bland rubbery seafood that all tastes  suspiciously similar (and sometimes like bleach)? I'm a firm believer that the only reason to darken a RL's door is for their endless baskets of Cheddar Bay Biscuits. Lordy. Well! I've got greeaaattt news.

These are Cheddar Bay Biscuits taken up several notches (nomtches?)...bready cheesy garlic-y NOMS. Legit biscuits that taste like CBBs but like, times an assload of deliciousness points. And you can see what you're making them with. Unlike the tasty devils who materialize at your table, that feature a sketch abundance of (God only knows) monstrously unhealthy/chemically altered ingredients.

2 c. all-purpose flour + 3 additional T.
1/2 cup olive oil (I used classic, no extra virgin for this recipe.)
1 cup milk (whole please.) 
2 eggs
4 tsp. baking powder
1/4-1/2 tsp. garlic powder (depending on how garlic-y you like your biskies.)
2-3 T. minced fresh or dried parsley (I used fresh.)
1/2 tsp. salt
several grinds/shakes black pepper
16 oz. EXTRA SHARP cheddar-grated (more if you feel like fat kid!)
   -greased/cooking sprayed muffin tin, or cupcake holders to go in muffin tin

Combine flour, baking powder, salt and pepper in a large bowl- set aside. In another mixing bowl combine oil, milk, eggs, garlic powder, and parsley; blending in the cheese. Dump the wet into the dry:

And mix JUST until combined. Don't overmix.

Lumps of flour are juuuust fine.

Spoon into your tins

I really need to ditch this ugly bakeware :\

and bake at 450 for 10 mins, or (as always) tops are as golden brown as you like. Alternately, you can stab em wif a toothpick. Clean toothpick, done biskies.

Serving size = twelve, right?

Oh dear God.... Prepare yourself for biskie coma >.<